Always Too Soon by Allison Gilbert
Author:Allison Gilbert
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Basic Books
Published: 2013-01-11T00:00:00+00:00
I did not go back to Denver. It was very different from my response to my motherâs death, when all I could think was, Oh my god, Iâve got to get there. Iâve got to be with my sister, my brother, my aunt. With my father, it was just likeâUgh, well, thatâs over. When my mother died, I had lots of relatives asking me to come for a service. There was no such thing after my father died. He had left behind his friends a long time ago. It was his children, period.
It did not enter my mind to feel a sense of orphanhood when my father died. There are two deaths with Alzheimerâs: Thereâs when they actually die and get cremated or buried, and thereâs the death before that.
We donated my fatherâs brain for Alzheimerâs research and had him cremated. Within the year, my brother and sister and I came together and had a memorial service among ourselves. My husband and two of my brotherâs children were there, too. We put my fatherâs ashes in a really stupid lake. I canât describe it any other wayâI just thought it was a completely inadequate lake. It was on the Arkansas-Missouri border, and we got on a little pontoon boat with the ashes. I had not grieved until that point. What are you going to sayââHe had Alzheimerâs. Thank God itâs overâ? You know? Heâs gone. And then when we got out there on the lake, everything was wrong. The lake was murky. The hills were too low. My father came from the mountains. That was when it hit. And I just started to sob. I felt very protective, like he deserved a better lake.
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